There are also times when life smiles down on you so brightly that you can scarcely see for the brightness. Your heart feels like it will burst from your chest, it expands so mightily, and you wonder if your feet are actually touching the ground. I have lived through times like those, as well.
But then there are times when joy and sadness live side-by-side. When laughter and tears are but a heartbeat from each other. When you can't tell if your heart is breaking from sorrow or bursting from joy.
I remember the first time I realised that sadness and joy could walk hand-in-hand, occupying the same place in my heart at exactly the same time. I had gone for a walk along the Grand River. It was one of those days when my world was especially dark, and I was walking along the trail, sobbing. Everything hurt. But then I turned a corner, and I came upon a meadow alongside the river. The meadow was full of wildflowers, yellow, blue, and white, the sky was the blue of a perfect sunny day, the river was sparkling, dancing in the sunshine, and it was one of those rare moments of perfect beauty. It took my breath away, and I stopped, spellbound, in the path, and cried, "Oh, Lord, it's so beautiful! Thank you! Thank you!" I realised at that moment that I was laughing and crying at the same time. Not laughing so hard I was crying, or even laughing through my tears, but laughing and crying at the same time. All those things that were making me cry were still there and were still real, and still hurt dreadfully. But at the same time, here was this perfect moment of beauty, and my heart was fully captured and fully delighted. I realised then that the sadness did not spoil the joy, nor did the joy eliminate the sadness. It seemed that joy and sadness were quite content to live together in my heart.
Today was another moment like that. It was a day filled with unexpected sorrow, tears, heartache, and pain. At the same time, it was a day filled with new friends, old friends, great conversation, hugs, and delight. And it wasn't a case of feeling sad and then feeling happy and then feeling sad and then feeling happy. They didn't follow each other. They were both there. The sadness did not spoil the joy. The joy did not diminish the sadness. Instead, sadness and joy were quite content to live together in my heart today.
It was a good day today.
It was a bad day today.
We have a name for that: bittersweet. Joy and sadness, sadness and joy, hand-in-hand.
And somehow, those two emotions, living side-by-side, make each more precious. The joy of today feels all the more joyous in light of the uncertainty and fragility of life. The sadness of today cuts all the more keenly in light of the delight of relationships being forged. Love does that. It brings such joy and such heartache. The joy and the sorrow are two sides of the same coin. Attempt to avoid the heartache, and you forfeit the joy. Embrace the joy, and you accept the heartache with it. You can't have one without the other. The sadness does not spoil the joy. The joy does not diminish the sadness. They are quite content to dwell side-by-side.
There is a divine holiness in that. There is a God-ness about it. There is an element of the now-but-not-yet there: Christ come, but not yet come again. The sad-and-happy reminds me of that. It reminds me that the King is coming again, and the scene will change and this broken-down world will be made right. But he hasn't come yet. Both are real. In the same place, and at the same time, both are true. The fact that the King has not yet come again does not undo the fact that he has, in fact, come. And the fact that he has come does not undo the fact that he has not yet come again. We live in the middle. We live in the bittersweet.
Today was a good day.
Today was a bad day.
But more than all that, today was holy.
No comments:
Post a Comment