Singing Lies and Truth

I consider myself a pretty honest person.  I try very hard to speak truth and not lies.  I know the damage lies can do.  I try to make it my policy that if I'm not willing to hear the truth, I won't ask your opinion.  So if I don't want to hear that you don't like my new haircut, I won't ask.  I struggle with the concept of the "little white lie".  Sometimes that gets me into trouble.  But mostly, it keeps my life much simpler.  I don't have to try to remember what I said where.

But then I start to sing songs about God, and I find all sorts of lies coming out of my mouth.

I'm not talking about songs that don't necessarily reflect how I'm feeling at that moment.  I have sung "Blessed be the Lord" through gritted teeth and with tears streaming down my face, but I have sung it.  Because I know that the Lord IS blessed, and deserves to be blessed no matter how much I may not wish to bless him at that moment.  So I sing.  I choke the words out past the lump in my throat, and I sing.  I can sing a song of praise while I am lamenting, and I can sing a song of lament while I am praising.   I think that's part of what it means to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and weep with those who are weeping.

Neither am I talking about singing distractedly.  You know, you're singing words with your mouth, while your brain is busy thinking about the guy up ahead who's wearing socks and sandals, and the baby that is fussing behind you, and figuring out what you're going to order for lunch at Swiss Chalet after church.  That's surely not true worship, but it doesn't mean I'm singing a lie.

No, I'm talking about songs that don't reflect my life.  I might wish that they did, but they don't.  Like this:

Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow You
Who You love, I'll love
How You serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow You
I will follow You

(Chris Tomlin -- I Will Follow)

Don't misunderstand me.  There's nothing wrong with the song.  I love Chris Tomlin.  I love the song.  The song is not in itself a lie.  But this isn't a song about feeling.  It's a statement of intent.  God, this is what I am doing.  Except that it's not what I'm doing.  The song is noble and brave and gallant, and I could sing it loudly and feel noble and brave and gallant, and think that I am worshiping God.  But I'm actually lying.  I'll go, but not too far.  I'll stay, as long as there's a relatively clean flush toilet.  I'll move, but not too much out of my comfort zone.  I'll love, but not that person who totally gets on my nerves.  I'll serve, but don't ask me to actually wash anyone's feet.  And if I'm brutally honest with myself (and I try to be), I must acknowledge that I don't even really want to do any of that.  I have no intention of being that radical.  The best I might be able to muster is a sense of guilt that I ought to want to serve that way, but I really don't.   So how can I sing that song?

I've tried convince myself that I really do want to go where Jesus goes, stay where he stays, love who he loves, and serve how he serves.  I truly love Jesus -- I honestly do.  But I know that I fall abismally short of being able to sing these words truthfully.  I've tried to just sing the words anyway, hoping that by somehow singing them, I'll make them true.  But it doesn't work.  The more I try to get it right, the further from what the song calls me to I slide.  Instead, I just feel tired and defeated.  I feel like the liar I am when I sing that song.

But then I sing a song like this:

I believe Your love is faithful when all my hopes have crumbled.

It is standing strong and able when everything else fails.

I believe Your love will cover me through every storm.

 

I am persuaded

Nothing in life, nothing in death,

No mountain high, no ocean depth,
No power below, on earth, or above 

Can separate from Your love.

I believe beyond a shadow you will never forsake me,

And Your love endures forever when all my strength is gone.
I believe your love will carry me and hold me close.

(Travis Cottrell -- I am Persuaded)

 

That's a song that I can sing  any time.  I can sing it when I'm happy.  I can sing it when I'm sad.  I can sing it when I'm downright disobedient and slothful in my walk with God.  Because it's true.  It's always true.  It's true no matter how I am feeling.  Because it is based on the character of God.  His love endures.  His love is faithful.  His love stands strong and able.  His love carries me, covers me, holds me.  And I am persuaded.

So I've given up on "I Surrender All".  I know that if I sang it, I'd struggle with "I Surrender 10%".  Instead, I sing the songs that I can.  I sing "I am Persuaded".  I sing, "Jesus Saves".  I sing, "In Christ Alone". I sing, "Ten Thousand Reasons".  I sing, "Great is Your Faithfulness" and "Holy, Holy, Holy".  (If you look them up on Youtube, you can probably sing all of them, too.)

But here's the funny thing . . . while I am busy singing those songs that I can honestly sing, I find myself going to places I never thought I'd go.  I discover myself loving people I never thought I could love.  I end up serving in ways I never thought I'd have the courage to serve.  I surrender things I never ever thought I'd be able to give up.

And I'm not even singing the song.