Fearing Fear

I heard it again this morning:  fear is wrong.  Fear is never appropriate for a Christian to feel.  It might be appropriate under certain circumstances to be angry, or to grieve, but never to fear.

I hear that a lot.  I hear a lot that Christians are never supposed to fear, that fear is not of the Lord, that fear is sin, that fear is wrong.  I've heard that the Bible tells us 365 times not to fear (or some variation of that) -- conveniently, one for every day of the year.  I don't know if it's true or not; I've never bothered to count.  (I wonder what happens on leap years?  Do we have free reign to live in terror that day?)  I certainly do know that the Bible tells people often not to fear.

But what exactly does that mean?

Am I really supposed to believe that fear, in and of itself, is a sinful emotion?  That the emotion of fear is never appropriate, never of God?

When I'm walking down a street and a guy jumps out at me to mug me, fear is inappropriate?
When the neighbour's dog approaches me, growling, tail twitching, teeth showing, fear is inappropriate?
When I'm driving through a winter storm with knuckles clenched on the steering wheel, fighting to keep my car between the lines of the lane I can hardly see through the snow, fear is inappropriate?
When I'm told that the results aren't good and it's looking like I've got only a couple years, or months, or weeks to live, and the end is going to be rough, fear is inappropriate?
When I'm laid off and I have no money in the bank and bills to pay and mouths to feed, fear is inappropriate?

I don't think so.  I really don't.  I really think it's a lie.

Fear, in and of itself, is no more sinful than any other emotion:  anger, grief, hurt, sadness, love, happiness, excitement.  It's just a feeling.   In fact, I believe it's a God-given emotion.

It's a feeling that warns us that something is terribly wrong and that our lives are at risk.  It is a feeling that shoots us full of adrenaline so that we are equipped for fight or flight.  Without fear, we would recklessly endanger our lives.  Fear keeps us in one piece.  When the neighbour's growling dog approaches, the snake of fear warns me to back away and get out of there.  When the snow whips across my windshield, the cold wind of fear cautions me to slow down, stay back, or get off the road altogether.  It's not a sin to feel fear.

But for too many years, I believed it was.  I believed fear was a sin, and it crippled me.  No matter how much I tried to not feel fear, there were times when I did feel it.  I tried to retreat from life and run from risk, because taking a risk meant feeling fear, and fear was wrong, so I refused the risk.   I tried to pretend that I wasn't afraid when I was.  I acted tough and strong and even mean so no one would see that I was afraid.  I brought a pretend-me into my relationships, with others and with God, but pretend-me wasn't real, and real-me was lonely.  My masks stifled me and suffocated me and distanced me from God -- God who was calling out to real-me while pretend-me tried to convince him that she was actually real-me, as if I could fool God.  All because I had heard and believed that fear is sin and never appropriate for a true follower of Jesus to feel.

But you know what?  I believe that Jesus felt fear.  Listen to this:  "He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed,  "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground"  (Luke 22:41-44).  In John 12, Jesus says, "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? `Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour."  Now, I know that neither of these verses actually use the word "fear", but they sure don't sound like the words of a man who is saying, "Bring it on!  I'm not afraid!"  As he looked ahead to the horror he was facing at the cross, I think Jesus felt fear.  And justifiably so.  His life was in danger, and fear warns us that our lives are in danger.

So I think it's a lie to believe that fear is, carte blanche, wrong, and sinful, and inappropriate for a Christian to feel.  In fact, I think it could even be a lie of the evil one to keep us in denial, to keep us from taking risks that might otherwise make us feel afraid.  I think it is a lie that cripples us.  In our desperation to avoid the "sin" of fear, we begin to fear fear itself.

No, fear is just a feeling, a feeling like any other one.  Where we cross the line from appropriate feelings of fear to sinful fearing is where we allow the fear to control us without stopping to analyse it.  It's not the feeling that's sinful; it's how we respond to it.  There are times when I feel fear, but when I stop to think about it, I know logically that there is no reason to fear.  So if I see the neighbour's dog snarling and growling, and my heart leaps and thuds to my toes, but I stop for a second and notice that the dog is tied up with a heavy chain (the dog does not exist, by the way -- he's merely an illustration), I will not allow the fear to cause me to run away in terror.  Instead, I will control it, and walk past the house, staying beyond the length of the chain.  There are other times when I feel fear, but I know that what I must do is right and it is what God is calling me to do, so I must move forward despite my feeling of fear.  My mouth might be dry, my hands clammy, my heart racing, my knees knocking, but I will do what I must do, because it is the right thing to do.  Like Jesus, who went to the cross, even though he was sweating blood.

It seems to me that for every time God says, "Do not fear," in the Bible, it's probably too late -- he's saying it because someone is already afraid.  Is he really saying, "You wretch, you just sinned"? Or is he perhaps saying, "It's ok.  You're on the right track.  I know how it looks, and I know how you feel, but keep moving forward.  I'm in control.  Don't look at the fear.  Look at me.  Trust me."  Fear is just a feeling.  It is not wrong.  It is not sin.  It is not inappropriate.  What is inappropriate, and sin, and wrong, is blindly allowing fear to rule my life, blindly assuming that just because I am feeling fear means that my life really is at risk, or that my life-at-risk is so all-fired important that I must preserve it at all cost, even if that means outright disobeying my Lord.  What is sinful is if I allow fear to control and paralyse me, rather than allowing God's Spirit to control and empower me.

I have laid down the masks.  I have quit trying to pretend I don't feel fear.  I have quit playing it safe in an effort to prevent myself from feeling fear.  I just admit it.  There are lots of times when I am afraid.  Shaking in my boots, mouth-full-of-cotton afraid.  And I'm ok with that.  I bring my fear, without shame, without guilt, and without fear of reproach to my Lord.  And I've discovered that the more honest I've been about my fear, the more courageous and bold in my walk with Jesus I've become, the more I have learned to trust deeply, to love passionately, to move forward with determination.

I can take risks.  I can do hard things.  I can go where he asks me to go, do what he asks me to do, face what he asks me to face.
Because I no longer fear fear.
I just feel it and move on.
And that's ok.