It's been a while. A long while.
There are times when I just can't write. There are times when words cease to be friends, and become relentless drips of water that threaten to drown me. They bury me until the hum of them becomes like white noise, without beginning or end, just a constant drone that can almost fade to nothingness yet drowns out anything that is really worth hearing.
In those times, I have to just hang on. Life happens so fast (or perhaps slows down to a morbid crawl), and my faith feels stretched so thin that all I can do is concentrate on holding on to a few elemental truths. I feel like I go on auto-pilot. I seek silence. I can't watch TV or listen to the radio. I turn off the words. Even reading becomes hard, and thinking big thoughts -- dreaming -- becomes nearly impossible. I shut down more and more of the noise until finally, finally it is quiet enough to hear the truth again: God is good. He loves me. And knowing him more is better than anything else.
But that takes time. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months. I just need to hang on. I am beginning to learn that all I need to do is hang on. Or perhaps what I'm doing is trusting that He will hang on to me.
For someone who loves words, it is hard when the One who is the Word seems to fall silent.
For someone who loves words, it is hard to realise that in order to hear the Word, sometimes it's best to just shut up.
And believe.
That He will speak again.
And give me back my voice.
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